Sevgili
by Assef
Summary: Like any great empire that spands more than what its own power is capable of handling, the Ottoman Empire began to crumble and decay to the point of dissolution. Sadik finds himself submerged in frustration, incapable of dealing with his broken pride. Gupta, who is always capable of seeing the larger picture of things, explains to Sadik why his fall was actually a positive aspect.


**This is my first time writing a fan-fiction story. Please keep in mind that although I studied in a bilingual school (Spanish-English) my English is not perfect. I try my best to structure sentences according to the English language, though. Therefore, if you find any aspect that can be improved I will gladly listen to you. :)**

**Other than that, Sadik and Gupta are obviously not mine but Hidekaz Himaruya's. Rated M+ because of sexual suggestion at the end. **

**Enjoy.~**

* * *

It was one of those nights again. Why did it have to keep on happening? Racing thoughts kept on bombarding him, disturbing his sleep and leaving him alone in his own insomnia. He couldn't hold on to the impotence for much longer, and it seemed like everything around him could be related to the same event and thus give room for even more agony. He used to be the Ottoman Empire. He used to be the Almighty one who conquered all that there was to have of Europe. Now he felt more like a shadow of what he once was, doomed to live up from his past and unable to bring it back to the present. It hurt him badly; it stung his pride like nothing else could. Sure, he could still boast about his accomplishments, but the sense of being stuck and worn out killed him. Like one who suffers from deep pain caused by a disease, Sadik couldn't deal with the fact he was finally getting old.

His head spun with the memories as he writhed and twisted on his bed. "I am Sadik, I am Sadik, I am Sadik!" he whispered repeatedly, each phrase growing gradually louder, trying to reassure himself that he was worth some sort of recognition, some sort of respect.

He turned his head at the sense of a delicate brush of fingers on his back. His gaze met with that one of the boy of golden eyes who lied between the silky blankets, just behind him.  
As if it were a safe place to take refuge in during a storm, there was something calming about Gupta's eyes. They could reflect coldness and distance, hostility and fear; but they could also reflect safety and tenderness.  
"What's the matter, _habib_?" Gupta said, moving toward him as to pull the Turk's head closer He pressed his lips on the olive-skinned man's forehead to land a kiss as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"_Hassan_… Who am I?"

The Egyptian looked confused at the rather rhetorical question for a moment, but then his eyes softened and gave him a soft smile.

"You…" he took a moment to stare at him. It never ceased to amuse the Egyptian whenever his fellow partner opened up to him in this way. Sure, out of everyone no one but him knew best that the image of tough and intimidating that Sadik sold was merely a mask to hide all his insecurities; but it was something he usually struggled to suppress, so Gupta couldn't help but feel honored and shuddered. "You are probably one of the most cursed bastards in the world!" He chuckled for a moment, but then turned his face more serious. "But there's a reason for it. You proved the world you could own it, and you did. You've been envied, you've been admired, and you've been deeply respected."

"And I've been wearing out and fading, too…"

Now it all made sense to the Egyptian. Turkey's ambitions had led him to make out of them his only goals in life. His legacy wasn't only his pride; it gave him a reason to live as well.

He could only feel disoriented concerning his position. He still wasn't used to not having dominion over somebody else. He still couldn't get used to being _equal_ to another one. Like a flame that is quenched by the gusts of the wind, Sadik's passion for life had gone out of his eyes.

"Times change, _habib_…" He pronounced this last word softly, as he gently caressed the temples of his companion. "Glory has a price, and all of us who once had somebody else under our dominion learned the hard way that it is more expensive than what it is worth."

"That is not true…" His voice-tone began to sound slightly harsh. "That is not true, Hassan. It was hard, yes, it was a tough way of living; but nothing could give me more satisfaction than knowing no one was better than me. What do I have left now, huh? Who am I to the world now, HUH?!" he yelled as he gritted his teeth. The impotence was slowly taking over Sadik's mind, triggered by his frustration.

"Sadik" he said drily. "Power isn't everything. Your ego and your pride wasn't enough to fill the emptiness inside you. Your accomplishments made you happy, but you were alone; alone among the crowd under your dominion. You were by yourself. The world hated you._ I hated you._ You were good at hiding your feelings, though. You've always been. But you know it tore you apart to see how in the midst of a crisis the ones you controlled helped one another while you, Sadik, stood alone drunk in your own haughtiness. In fact, _you happened to envy them_. Or am I wrong, _Sadik_?" he asked, making emphasis on his name.

The Turk turned his head from Gupta and stared at the ceiling. He remained silent as he reflected upon what Hassan had just pointed out. Damn Egyptian, he always found the right words to confront him. It was almost like he had this superpower of always being able to end any of Sadik's arguments. And it was true; all that he had pointed out was true. He held dear those precious times, yes, but he couldn't lie to himself and say he had it all. He lacked many elements that make up for one's happiness. Overall_, he lacked love_.

"You… _you hated me?"_

Gupta shouldn't have mentioned that part. "W-well…" he started, nervous about answering, "y-you were arrogant, and full of yourself, and … and you did your will without taking anyone into consideration. Your ways were harsh, and you put many people into suffering… B-but…" his eyes looked down, "I cannot say I completely hated you. I was lucky enough to take a closer look at you. I knew there was a part of you that wasn't what you showed us. I knew there was more of you than what was perceived; but it frustrated me not to know until the very end who you really happened to be, and well…" he raised his eyes to look into his as he tried unsuccessfully to suppress flush that began to spread on his cheekbones "You happened to be the love of my life." He said, pronouncing this last phrase almost in a whisper.

Sadik was shuddered to hear this. For a long time he had known _his Hassan_, how he used to call him, was someone valuable; someone who would love him no matter what act of arrogance he was able to commit, out of his own selfishness. But he couldn't help feeling deeply moved by what Egypt had confessed.

He placed himself on top of the smaller man and held his face between his hands. He smiled as he took his time to look at his eyes. The power contained in them was strong enough to look into Sadik's soul. At times, it was strong enough like to make him feel offended; although he would never, under any circumstance admit this. But they were also powerful enough to produce the deep happiness and satisfaction they gave to Sadik. He kissed him a little rough as he finished positioning himself on top of him.

"Your beard…" Gupta murmured as he fought the Turk's lips in order for him to talk "it… it itches."

"Oh, shut up."

"I… I will…" He said, separating himself from the bigger man. "Only if you remind me again what it's like to be under a stronger nation's dominion. You know, I've been independent _for far too long_." He smirked, waiting for Sadik's reaction.

His eyes widened in surprise to what he had said. "You asked for it, _sevgili_." He answered with a wicked smile.


End file.
